Local Bakery Website Becomes Meeting Spot for Secret Organization Planning for World Domination

Forced to close comment section

By: Bobby Johnson, WTL

Updated: 9:45 AM CT, Tues April 12, 2022

"Bake it Til you Make It!" recently had to shut down their comment section after it was infiltrated by an organization bent on world domination. The small bakery operating out of Des Moines, Iowa had recently started to post more videos online in an attempt to gain popularity. "That's what you do these days," said Marie Schneider, the owner of the bakery. "I didn't know how else to get people to take notice. And to be honest, it was a lot of fun." Marie and her daughters had filmed silly dances with their breads and cakes, using puns and funny filters to highlight their personality. "People need to know who you are these days or they won't patron the store anymore."

When Marie woke up that one fateful morning, she thought she was successful in her goal. "I checked our website, like I do every morning while the oven is preheating and I saw we had over 7 thousand comments, which is a lot for us. I thought we had gone viral!" Unfortunately, that was not the case. A local organization bent on world domination had decided to use her servers as an online meeting place for their plans. "They called themselves 'The Conglomerate'. They seemed to be a start up of some kind."

"They called themselves 'The Conglomerate'. They seemed to be a start up of some kind."

Marie was right, they were a start up. Though not an innocent one. "The Conglomerate" was a small group bent on rivaling the international criminal organization bent on world domination known as "The Org". "I called my nephew who had helped set the site up for us to help figure out what they were talking about on there. They were speaking of explosives, hideouts, and secret ways to take down the Dark Overlord. I think the most disturbing thing was that they weren't even talking about our hilarious videos!"

"I think the most disturbing thing was that they weren't even talking about our hilarious videos!"

"Aunt Marie is always tripping over something," said Levi, Marie's nephew. "These hubs of anti government groups pop up all the time. They are like bitter henchmen thinking they can take over the world. It's nothing. You should see some of the comments on this page."

We did investigate the page. With users such as NimbusNimbusBoBimbus, TheSilentKiller6969, and XxTheLeftHandxX it was hard to take what they were saying seriously, but it still struck fear in those who read it. Comments describing what they were going to do once they took over the world, how they were going to have a secret underwater hideout, and what they would do to those who stood in there way. Barfsipper3000 was especially heinous in describing acts he referred to as "Ultra Super Swirlies".

Most of the comments centered around how they would take down the competing organization, so law enforcement didn't seem too upset. "They just told me to turn off the comment section, so I did. It's such a shame though, our dances were really funny." It's this reporter's opinion that they were not.