My Coworker Identifies as a Cat

By: Brian Garcia, WTL

In a recent turn of events, my coworker has announced that she identifies as a cat. At first, I thought it was just a silly joke or maybe even some kind of avant-garde fashion statement. But then I noticed something strange. She started to act more like a cat. She would sit on the windowsill, lick her hands, and hiss at anyone who came too close.

But things took a turn for the worse when I brought my lunch to work one day. I had been looking forward to that turkey and cheese sandwich all morning. But as soon as I set it down on the table, my coworker pounced. She snatched it up in her teeth and scurried away with it.

When I confronted her about it, she just hissed at me and continued munching on my sandwich. I was speechless. Not only had she stolen my lunch, but she was also eating it like a cat. Who does that?

I couldn't help but wonder what other cat-like behaviors she was going to exhibit. Was she going to start coughing up hairballs in the break room? Would she start using the litter box in the bathroom? I shuddered at the thought.

I decided to approach her about it, hoping to gain some understanding of this bizarre situation. She just looked at me with those eerie cat-like eyes and said, "Meow."

I didn't know what to do. Was she trying to communicate with me in cat language? Did she really believe she was a cat? I decided it was best not to push the issue any further and slowly backed away.

Moral of the story: be careful who you work with, especially if they identify as a cat. And for the love of all that is good, guard your lunch with your life.