Long Time Smoker, Wonders When it Will Finally Make Him Look Cool

Apr 10, 2022

2 min read

By: Bobby Johnson, WTL

Updated: 5:55 PM CT, Sun April 10, 2022

Robert Salizar, 36, has been a smoker for 28 years. He first puffed his mom's Virginia slims when he was 8, smoked cloves in college, refused to switch to vaping, and doubled down with buying a roller to roll his own unfiltered cigarettes. Salizar is as heavy of a smoker as they come. When asked why he won't kick the habit he refuses to admit it's an addiction, he won't say it's the taste of the first cigarette after a meal or the burning sensation with a good glass of whiskey. No, Salizar only continues to smoke because he wants to look cool.

"Dean Martin, Danny Zuko, and Tyler Durden, they were all smoking and they were all cool," says Salizar when asked why he doesn't give it up. "I just want to be as cool as them." However, Salizar is not as cool as them, even after trying for 28 years. "I don't understand why though! I'm so sick of my clothes smelling, of coughing up tar every morning, of my coworkers staring me down as I go outside to smoke and they are vaping. What am I doing wrong?"

"Dean Martin, Danny Zuko, and Tyler Durden"

We asked Salizar if it could be his man bun that is the problem. He looked over his thick-framed glasses and scoffed. We asked if it was his cartoon hand tattoos, or his need to bring every conversation back to cryptocurrency. He insisted that smoking cigarettes should cover all of that. "I tried fedoras back in 2009 like everyone else. It clearly wasn't the way to go." We had pointed out that Tyler Durden wasn't meant to be a legitimate source of role model, and Danny Zuko was an over-exaggerated caricature of teenage hormones played by a full-grown adult. Salizar refused to admit that it could be true and leaned on Dean Martin as the ace up his sleeve.

"I tried fedoras back in 2009 like everyone else. It clearly wasn't the way to go"

Despite pointing out that the rampant machismo persona that was 'cool' back then was not what society expected today. That culture can grow and evolve over the course of sixty years and you can't just mix and match and expect to be taken seriously. Salizar said "As-if" and blew his smoke in my face.