My First Day as a Henchman for The Org.

By: Bobby Johnson, WTL

Updated:11:55 AM CT, Thurs April 14, 2022

There are a lot of jobs that look prestigious from the outside looking in, but only the people who actually work in the industry know exactly what it's like. Growing up my mother always admired doctors, lawyers, hell even mechanics because they worked hard and had skills that not many people do. I can't tell you what the day-to-day is for a doctor. I can't tell you the stress of arguing a case as a lawyer. I wouldn't begin to know how dirty you have to get to replace a fuel pump. But I did get to start working a job that some would call prestigious. I am a henchman for "The Org", the world-renowned criminal organization bent on world domination, and I'd like to give you a peek into what my first day was like.

Mind you, this wasn't my first job. I've changed careers a few times. I have worked in offices, I've worked construction, but when the opportunity to work for a company that shapes our way of life comes knocking, you take it.

The week before my first day I received a welcome package from "The Org" that contained a mask with a logo on it (ski, not medical), pens with invisible ink, and a notebook with invisible paper (that I lost immediately), a flashlight, a fleshlight, and sneakers (for.... for sneaking.. obviously). Oh, and a letter that said the following:

Henchman 256,

Welcome to The Org! We are thrilled to have you join our team. As the right-hand man for the Dark Overlord (henceforth referred to as D.O), it is an honor to have someone like yourself join our ranks. Please look through your onboarding packet in this packet and remember to bring a vile of your own blood for identification purposes on your first day. Assuming John Vester is still alive by the time of your onboarding, you will report to him on Tuesday. Meet us at 0800 behind the Taco Shack on Velvet Road and you will be escorted on to premises. Don't be afraid to duck if you feel the need to, you can't be too careful. Welcome Aboard!

Signed,

Nimbus

I went to the Taco Shack at 0745 just in case. I sat in my car and saw two men in suits pull up in an old '92 civic with a hatchback. I walked up to them with all my stuff and that's the last thing I remember for two hours.

I woke up at noon with sore ankles and marks on my neck. I was strapped to a chair staring at a computer screen with flashing images. I don't know what the images were exactly but know every time I hear a car backfire then I jump up in front of the closest person to me, as if to take a bullet for them. They let me out of the chair and took me to the cafeteria. The Org cafeteria was phenomenal. They had chicken ramen, shrimp ramen, and even creamy chicken ramen. It was a dream come true. I had a whole bag of donuts for dessert.

After lunch, they went over my benefits. 401k matching up to 10%, $10 copay on health and dental, and a solid FSA. The life insurance isn't that great though, and most of the benefits stop after 12 months, but they said don't worry about it.

I can't speak for what I was shown in the evening as it may or may not be legal depending on what country we may or may not have been in, but I will see I go to use my sneakers and get to know my coworkers. They are just like anyone else you've worked with, but a little less empathetic; which makes sense in this line of work. I will say that I can't wait to continue working for The Org, and you should too! Come join up at your earliest convenience and get all the ramen and fleshlights you can eat!