Outraged Portland parents claim Santa Claus is causing an outbreak of socialist anarchists!

We've received numerous reports about the ongoing destruction of the city of Portland, OR. When we followed up with a few of the complaints, they all came back to one thing, Santa has taken away the meaning of hard-work and personal responsibility.

Speaking with one parent, they wished to remain anonymous for fear of being put on a list for retaliation

said that, "It's not fair that we parents have to go to work 9-5 in order to buy the gifts and we don't get credit! It needs to end!"

Another parent commented that "If the kids today knew the value of a hard day's work, there wouldn't be all this destruction going around in our city."

We reached out to the North Pole for comments and they directed us to the local North Plaza mall where Santa would be available for comment from noon to 5 pm. While there, we were asked to pay $5 for questions and take a polaroid picture. Our ethics department warned against paying for the questions.

...as of the time of publishing, there has been no official comment.

UPDATE:

After publishing this story, one of our staffers reported being followed to their home. the staffer described the stalker as "Unbelievably short" and having "oddly shaped ears." We've notified the authorities and they are currently investigating.

UPDATE 2:

The authorities have taken two extremely short men into custody, one reportedly screaming "I'll die for this Christmas $hit!"