"I Used a Ouija Board to Pick Up Chicks"

By: Bobby Johnson, WTL

Updated: 3:29 PM CT, Fri April 1, 2022

Last Thursday, March 24th, our reporters were following the Westchester storm when they ran into Lloyd Fincher, 34, under an overpass. This was not uncommon at the time as there was a heavy storm on the way and not a lot of places to hide. What was uncommon, however, was his attire. Lloyd was wearing a polyester leisure suit with a wide lapel and bellbottom pants. His hair had mousse, and he didn't seem to be under the influence to an extreme. We asked him why he was so well put together in such an odd place. "I'm on a date," he responded. When we asked him who his date was he responded "Kimberly Jansen, the ghost right behind you." The storm came quickly and we had to go, but we were able to meet up with Lloyd yesterday where he told us the most interesting story.

"Kimberly Jansen, the ghost right behind you"

Lloyd described how in high school he went to a house party. "It was one of those stereotypical ones, you know? In the basement, music playing, spin the bottle, the whole nine." He said that the party started to thin, and someone suggested they bring out a ouija board. After playing with the board and asking any ghosts in the area to reveal themselves, he met Esther. "I was the love of her afterlife." Lloyd and Esther dated for eight years claimed Lloyd. "She was doomed to be trapped in the house that the party was thrown in. So I made friends with the guy who threw the party. After he graduated and moved out and I started doing their lawn work to have an excuse to stick around."

"I was the love of her afterlife"

Lloyd described his and Esther's relationship as fairly normal. "We had arguments, we had inside jokes. It was the easiest relationship I've had. She was brutally murdered in 1947 and I helped solve her murder and we just really bonded over that." It wasn't destined to last forever though. Lloyd began to weep as he described the break-up. "I was over at her place, and we were making love. It was very sensual and very sweet. The Robertsons, the couple that owned the home, barged in and saw me mounted on top of their broomstick with my pants off, shirt on, and a bucket on my head. They wouldn't let me back in the house after that." Lloyd said he didn't give up though. He went to college and received his law degree. He practiced real estate to try and figure out a way to wedge the Robertsons off the property so he could be with Esther forever. "When Mr. Robertson died I was able to use that as a wedge to get Mrs. Robertson out of the house. She sold it to me in 2008. I was excited to meet Esther again."

"[...] saw me mounted on top of their broomstick with my pants off, shirt on, and a bucket on my head"

Lloyd received the keys on closing day and immediately went back to the house. "I had a gallon of milk and lint balls ready to go. Those are the only physical things that ghosts can eat, you know." But Lloyd was in for a surprise. "I was looking everywhere for her. I could still feel the coldness of her being around. I heard a shaking in the cellar and that's when I saw them. Esther and Mr. Robertson going at it on the dryer. I can still see the lights flickering and hear the neighborhood dogs barking. It was tough to take in."

"I had a gallon of milk and lint balls ready to go"

Lloyd swore after that day he would never fall in love again. "Ever since then I've been using my ouija board to just play the field. I was meeting a girl who died under that overpass when you found me. She froze to death in 1976. Real interesting gal." We asked Lloyd why he doesn't try dating living women. "Once you've had the literal soul sucked out of you from another dimension, nothing can compare to it."

We dropped Lloyd off at the abandoned mineshaft about ten miles outside the city limit. He said there was an afterlife rave happening. He invited us, but this reporter will save that story for another day.